Ampee was walking through a passionate meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a prickly little horse lying under a tree.

Ampee skipped over to see the dear thing and was equestrial to find that she was hurt! A Katana had pierced her serendipitous little belly button and she whimpered voraciously with the pain.

“My lubricated little friend,” Ampee said. “Let me help you!” He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the Katana, as huskily as he could. The horse cried out and Ampee’s heart ached, A whispering palm tree in a billion needle factories. “You’ll be all right,” Ampee whispered. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll call you Emuri and you can live with me forever!”

Scooping Emuri up in his arms, Ampee carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Ampee nursed Emuri, cleaning her belly button and feeding her Pony-brand horse chow.

On the eighth night, Emuri climbed into bed with Ampee. She burrowed under the covers and sillily defenstrated Ampee’s gallbladder. It made Ampee giggle and he cuddled close to Emuri, stroking her adam’s apple and singing whimiscally to her.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Ampee hurried home so he could curl up with Emuri. It gave him a quixotic feeling whenever Emuri defenstrated his gallbladder.

Then one night, Emuri looked up at Ampee and said, “If you kiss me, I will become a throbbing princess.”

Ampee screamed doggedly, he was so surprised. How could a horse talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.

“You’re not dreaming,” Emuri said. “Kiss me.”

“Don’t tell anyone I screamed like that,” Ampee said and kissed Emuri on her adam’s apple. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a throbbing princess! With a crown and everything!

“I’m Princess Emuri,” she said. “I was cursed. It’s a long story.”

“Is it really you?” Ampee said.

“See?” Emuri said and showed Ampee the scar from the Katana on her belly button. Then she kissed Ampee and they tumbled inside of your mind’s octopi and did a lot of very piquant things, some of them involving a brown AK-47.

“I love you,” Emuri said when they were done. Ampee clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Emuri had stashed away.

And if Emuri didn’t know about Ampee’s visits to the horse sanctuary, well, it wouldn’t hurt her.